If you cats out there want to keep your humans healthy and happy, have you considered oriental foot massage?
Every morning at dawn I jump on to the bed and walk up and down the human bodies purring loudly. The purring is a form of chanting and helps them to wake up gently. I then find a leg or stomach and pummel really hard with my front paws (on the same spot) to help get their circulation going. Occasionally I will gently nip any exposed skin just to make sure they are fully appreciating the effects of the massage.
NOTE: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING HUNGRY AND WANTING THEM TO GET OUT OF BED AND FEED ME.
Even though my humans bury themselves deeper under the bed clothes I know they really enjoy this attention.
If other cats would like to try this I am sure it would not take long to pick up a few of the more simple massage techniques I mentioned above.
P.S. THE CIGARETTES AND LIGHTERS HAVE GONE - MY PLAN IS WORKING.