Friday, July 27, 2007

Politics Explained - with Cows

I may only be a cat but I am interested in Politics and People. I found the following explanation very useful in understanding world culture. I am not sure where it originated so can't credit the source sadly - love FAZ

p.s. Pabs - the Australian one is right at the end and I love the British one as well.

Politics Explained - with Cows.

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

You have two cows.
You shred them.

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

You have two cows.
You worship them.

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.


poppyq said...

Now Faz,
we were enjoying that until we got up to the New Zealand bit!! The joke is usually made about new Zealanders and sheep (only 4 million people here and at least 40 million sheep!!!).

Anyway it was very funny and so true (about everybody else).

Hope the sun is out and the rain has stopped.

Poppy Q - I only like cows to eat. Steak - yum yum.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hi faz! have a great weekend honey!

smiles, auntie bee

pee ess: it was only true about efferbody ekcept the americans! ha ha ha ha ha

Caesar and Princess said...

This is very funny... and so true.
Thanks for sharing it and a good laugh! What a crazy planet we live on.

Happy Week-end Fazillyfluff!!

Purrs, Prin

Benjamin Fuzz said...


i wonder--with your political acumen--if you should be running for some major leadership position? hrh empress faz? let me know...k?

ben fuzz
who is smiling this morning

Dragonheart said...

Very funny Faz! :) Where's the Canadian cow, though? Canada has lots and lots of cows - Alberta is known for its delicious beef.

The Cat Realm said...

We absolutely love this! You made our day and we will tell all our friends about this great post!!!
To answer your question: we think a luscious little mouse should work as well as a lizard to keep the vet away!
Your friends
Karl and Anastasia
P.S. all cow examples are good but the Italian one cracked us up. The maid is very familiar with Italy, maybe that's part of it....

Daisy said...

Faz, that is too funny! Now I think I understand politics. Here is one I thought of:

She has 2 cows.
She trades them in for a bunch of bananers.

The Crew said...

Very interesting, Faz.

We cats should be glad we're glad we're not cows!

Skittles said...

You're a funny cat today Faz.

HRH Yao-Lin said...

HAHAAHAHAHAHA That was so funny, I love the one where china markets a mini cow cartoon he he and the italian one he he so true x

Tyler said...

Wow, now I think I understand world politcs. So glad that I only live here in my little world with no cows.

The Meezers said...

Hi Faz - this was hysterical, but we is a little scairt of the New Zealanders.

Shilgiah the Cat said... and I can't stop laughing. Very very clever and funny!

If we can't laugh at ourselves (and others) who can we laugh at? Love it.

Chairman Mao said...

hehehe, that made my momma laff -- cracked her up, acktually!

Let's see,


You have two cows.
You teach 'em to SPAZ and kill evil coffee stirrers!

Kittyhugs and purrs from MaoMao!

Derby said...

Mum is laffin n laffin at this. She can relate real well to the American Corporation. She works for one! The Enron one was excellent and truly confused the world, just like they intended.

Marilyn MonREOW said...

That's really funny, Faz!

And here is Marilynism:

You have two cows.
You teach them to snuggle together and write poetry.

*giggle, giggle*!

Purrs and snuggles from Marilyn.

Henry Helton said...

That is very funny. You are very smart.

Lux said...

That was very interesting and informative. Our favorite is the Surrealism one!

Munchkin, Missy and Monte said...

sounds about right.

michico 小芥 said...

That is truly funny, thanks to bring me so happy weekend.

William said...

Mom says: Ha ha ha ha ha!!

I say: ?????

lordjaders said...

You've definitely got yourrrself in a Bovine situation! My lady bean grrrew up next to a cattle rrranch and a dairrry!

She laughed herrr head off because she could finally underrrstand politics in this fashion!!

Me, on the otherrr hand, I'm in to birrrds--little twirrrps in trrrees. I'm not big on the milk thing since I must be lactose intolerrrant.


Karen Jo said...

I really love your lesson in politics. I got a good laugh out of it. I do think you and Luzie look alike; maybe you are related.

poppyq said...

Oh mummy faz,
you are forgiven (for the entry and for being an australian and for beating us in netball this week).

I like Daisys entry.

You kids have fun this weekend. Hope you get some rays of sunshine and have a drink of cider for me and my mum.

Poppy q

Forty Paws said...

We've seen this before, but this one has some new additions!!! Very funny, and unfortunately kinda true....

Luf, Us

Mosaic Cats said...

Now THAT'S entertainment, Faz!

Shilgiah the Cat said...

Mom laughed and laughed and laughed. Very entertaining Faz.

I just tagged you to do a proverb. Of course, you don't have to play if you don't want but if you do come on over to my site and see.

zevo calamari said...

loved the lesson...

Anita said...

Muhahahahahahaha!! Thanks for your congratulation. Your blog is funny. I like it.
Do you want to join to the army of the feline domination? Muhahahahahaha!


China Cat & Willow said...

Oh Faz, that was terrific! Our Lady read it to our Dad and he laughed a lot!

Purrrrrrs, China Cat & Willow

The Fluffy Tribe said...

we nefer knew cows were so diversified ~The Fluffy Tribe

Bogdan, the editor said...


Pablo said...

Very clever! I can vouch for the Australian bit. Although I'm not much of a beer drinker myself...

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Bhwahahaha! Mom wuz laffin so hard milk almost came out of her nose.